Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
