Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
