So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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