so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
