I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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