Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
