I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was born a porn star she said
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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