I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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