never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
