If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
