dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
