it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
