one might say we're banned from that church
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
