well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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