Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's the barista slut.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
