can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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