he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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