I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
