Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
