So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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