I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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