The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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