Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
