Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We have so much sex to catch up on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
