Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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