man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
