very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
