She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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