I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
