I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
