I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
