hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
