Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
