I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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