If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
