i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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