i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
