they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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