I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
