Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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