note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
