I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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