he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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