11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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