Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
