That's intense
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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