i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
