You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
