The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
