Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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